Stormy - I mean Smoky - Earl Grey Tea Cupcakes

I made these cupcakes in such a temper that Julia Child definitely would not have approved. Hummingbird would definitely have not approved. Even a three-year-old would not have approved.

It's so difficult seeing others reap what they have sowed, rightfully, others achieving what I so ever wanted, with me still stuck in the gutter, failing to look at the stars. Do I even believe in what is coming out of my mouth. Do I even trust in my dreams anymore. Do I even dare to dream.

I was so frustrated I couldn't sit still. I had to, had to do something with myself. Work off the confusion, the frustration. And not for the first time, I pulled out the flour, sugar, raided the fridge for leftover unsalted butter from Father's Day and Lemon Meringue Cupcakes combined, and took out the pot of Smoky Earl Grey Loose Tea that I got Mum at Fortnum and Mason.

There's a musky scent to Smoky Earl Grey, reminded me of a barbecue, and there's a slightly bitter after taste to it. I like it though. It's almost as if you can smell the burnt scent even though it's the taste that is 'smoky'. The wonders of our five senses. Sometimes it gets blurred and I get confused.

Look at my mess. Flour everywhere. It always happens, so I always measure out a bit more than needed. Yet I can't deny how I love the way flour puffs up like a cloud. Up until it gets in your nose and then I regret.

And then I bit into one. The bitterness in my mouth matched the bitterness in my heart, I know I have more to be thankful for than to be bitter about but the bitter aftertaste cannot be ignored. The sponge was soft as I liked it, with slightly crusty bits because I had been so distracted I let the top brown more than it should. It was like drinking earl grey but with milk and sugar, not a way I normally like taking my tea (I prefer it black). My parents each had one too, they prefer cupcakes without the icing. And I bit into a tea leaf and reminded myself that there are things which are more bitter in life than I normally have to take it to be.

You don't have to promise me the moon and the stars...just promise that you'll stand under them with me.

Smoky Earl Grey Tea Cupcakes

(adapted from Hummingbird Bakery Cake Days)

Ingredients

For the Sponge

4 tsp loose Earl Grey tea*

4 tbsp just-boiled water

80g unsalted butter, softened

260g caster sugar

240g plain flour

1tbsp baking powder

a pinch of salt

200ml whole milk

2 large eggs

For the Frosting

50ml whole milk

250g icing sugar

160g unsalted butter, softened

muffin tin

Preparation

1.   Place the loose tea in a bowl and add the just boiled water, leave to brew for 30 minutes.

2.   Preheat the oven to 190 °C, and line a muffin tin with muffin cases. Use a hand-held electric whisk to mix the butter, sugar, flour, baking powder and salt on low speed til the texture of fine breadcrumbs.

3.   Pour the milk into a jug, add the eggs and whisk by hand. Add the brewed tea, use the back of a spoon to press out every last drop of water from the tea leaves into the mixture. Add 1.5 tsp of tea leaves to the mixture. Keep the rest for the frosting.

4.   Pour three quarters of the milk mixture into the dry ingredients and mix on a low speed til combined. Scrape down the sides and add the rest, beat until all have come together and the batter is smooth.

5. Divide the batter between the paper cases, filling each two-thirds full. If there is batter left over, spoon it into more cases in a separate tin. Bake in the oven for 15 - 18 minutes. Leave to cool on wire rack.

6.   While the cupcakes are cooking, pour the milk for the frosting into the bowl with the left over tea leaves and leave to infuse for 30 mins. Strain the milk and press the tea leaves with the back of a spoon to extract maximum flavour.

7.   Using an electric whisk, whisk the icing sugar and butter until no large lumps remain. Pour in the tea-infused milk while mixing slowly, then increase speed to blend until soft and fluffy.

8.   Divide the frosting between the cold cupcakes, smoothing the tops and swirling with a palette knife.

*Earl Grey Teabags were used in the original recipe, but I like loose tea because it could be incorporated into the batter to give out a stronger flavour of tea.